Self-compassion is the compassion a person feels toward themselves . Compassion, meanwhile, is a feeling of tenderness and sorrow that arises in the face of an adverse situation.
He who has self-pity, then, experiences pity for himself . This usually occurs when the subject does not accept adversity or believes that he or she will not be able to adapt and overcome it .
He who registers self-pity thinks he is a victim . That is why he is convinced that he deserves understanding, pity or condolences. This feeling does not contribute to overcoming problems, but rather generates the opposite effect: by feeling sorry for oneself and assuming that one should be understood and supported, the individual adopts a passive position .
It is important to keep in mind, however, that self-pity is not always negative. It is, at first, a normal reaction to stress , since it makes a human being pay attention to what is happening to them.
Therefore, if self-pity is temporary, it is not intrinsically bad. The key is to then make way for the decision to modify or, if this is not possible, accept the stressful or painful situation.
Self-pity becomes dangerous when combined with low self-esteem . If someone does not trust their own abilities and abilities and feels sorry for their reality, they become victimized and blame others or destiny for their difficulties or failures. Furthermore, he is never able to detect the positive and suffers from demotivation.
Since it is a kind of defense mechanism that appears in the face of distress , if channeled in the correct way it can be the starting point of healing. However, if it feeds, it can become an extremely heavy burden that prevents us from continuing to move forward.
As with any problem, the first step to resolving self-pity is to accept its existence . It usually happens that someone accuses us of having this attitude, of feeling sorry for ourselves, or of blaming others for our failures. This can be very hard to face and even harder to accept. However, if we don't do it, we will never get out of the loop .
Perhaps the worst thing about not facing one's own responsibility is that we close the door to solving the problem that hurts us so much. Saying "I'm being self-pitying" doesn't benefit anyone as much as ourselves; We do not do it to please those who accuse us of it or to win an argument, but to regain control over our own life and feel whole again.
One of the biggest difficulties when treating this problem is the lack of formality with which it is approached, given that it is not considered an illness or a personality disorder . On the contrary, people often describe it as a whim, or as the result of an unwillingness to take responsibility. In other words, there is no therapy or self-help group to leave self-pity behind, but rather it is a challenge that we must overcome on our own.
Once we assume the presence of self-pity, therefore, we can move on to adopt a relatively distant perspective to try to understand its root. It's very easy to repeat "I feel bad" or "it's your fault," but not so easy to explain "why." Normally, the manifestation of discomfort is not directly related to it, as happens when the stomach tells us that we are hungry. To find the source of the problem we must reflect, know ourselves better and propose to change our decisions for others if we see that the old ones inevitably lead us to failure .