Shyness makes it difficult to develop social bonds.
Shyness is the characteristic presented by someone who is usually antisociable and undemonstrative . It is a personality trait that influences behavior and conditions interpersonal relationships, in addition to setting a limit on the individual's social performance.
Analyzing the term from an etymological perspective, we can say that it comes from the Latin concept timidus , which means fearful . In the dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy the concept is expanded, expressing that shy is that person who is shrunken, short of spirit and who finds it very difficult to relate .
Types of shyness
Although it is a term that is often used on a daily basis, it is necessary to clarify that there are two types of shyness: the one expected at certain ages and situations, which does not block the individual, and the chronic one, which prevents the person from relating normally . To overcome it, specialists recommend relaxation techniques, rejecting irrational ideas, concentrating on unwanted thoughts and showing convincing behavior .
It is a feeling of helplessness when having to perform a certain action in front of another person, a chronic fear that comes from an absolute distrust in oneself and those around you. It manifests itself as an impression of insecurity and shame towards oneself that can be experienced in the face of an episode never experienced before and of social reach. This feeling hinders conversations and approaches in general.
Speaking in front of many people usually causes shyness.
The view of the specialists
Psychologist Brian G. Gilmartin has long promoted the concept of love shyness to describe a specific type of severe chronic shyness. Sufferers become uncomfortable in informal circumstances involving potential romantic or sexual partners.
Shyness is also linked to the concepts of introversion and extroversion , proposed by the renowned doctor Carl Gustav Jung . This psychiatrist and psychologist, it is said, considered introversion as an attitude based on focusing interest on the internal processes of the subject, while extroversion is the opposite position. Those who are shy show a predominance of introversion. For Jung , the ideal situation is balance, the flexibility to adapt to the moment and the environment .
In shyness, a splitting of the individual occurs: on the one hand, the observing self; on the other, the acting self. The latter is the one who carries out a premeditated action, whose objective is to generate a positive opinion in those who listen to him. In this way the individual manages to project onto others the concept that he has of himself in an ironic and generally threatening way.
Causes and development of shyness
The key stage in which shyness appears is between five and seven years of age. At that moment it manifests itself as fear of oneself . Later, during adolescence, it becomes a systematized mechanism; This is because the individual has a greater awareness of himself and begins to act accordingly to achieve a favorable image among the people with whom he interacts. This last stage is essential to define the type of shyness that the person has; It may be the normal condition of a young person who is beginning to mature and understand more about his environment and his place in the world, or it may be a chronic condition that leads him to isolate himself.
Those parents who do not allow their children to face situations corresponding to their age and overprotect them to avoid frustration, fear or failure, encourage the development of shyness. Likewise, those who force them to demonstrate in front of visitors or compare them with their siblings, causing shame and frustration . Finally, the lack of understanding, feeling ridiculous in front of others (due to teasing or reprimands that hurt them deeply) or not being able to adapt to the changes inherent in the transition from childhood to adolescence, are also factors that facilitate the development of shyness.
The importance of parents
Shyness is a disorder that, like many others, can be avoided. To achieve this, it is essential that parents avoid attitudes with their children such as:
- Intolerance : it is essential to talk about what hurts or frustrates them with complete openness;
- Systematic severity : it is necessary to show flexibility in decisions and accept that errors are made;
- Constant prohibitions : constant prohibitions encourage introversion and undermine the feeling of freedom;
- Punishments and humiliations : violent challenges or physical aggression, especially in front of third parties, encourage self-contempt; The best thing is to educate with respect and ensure that the child understands the adult's position without feeling inferior.
It is important, on the other hand, to remind them of all the good things they do; This can be a wonderful way to help them understand their worth and believe in themselves. If their parents don't believe in them how are they expected to?